War of the Vain
by desmontpauper2085
Summary: They say "all fair in love and war" and Etcetera knows that very much indeed, thank you.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer

All characters from "Cats" are owned by

T.S. Eliot and Andrew Lloyd Webber

Prologue

Some parts of me say that I will get over him. It is just a stupid crush after all. But right now, I don't

know.

Every time I see him, I feel as if my world just becomes extremely alive, that every sound becomes

clearer, every vision brighter.

Something inside me just wants to scream his name, with my heart exploding with admiration.

No wonder I act like a complete psycho when I see him.

I want him to notice me, not as his fan that will follow him everywhere he goes. I want to be something

more to him, maybe something like Bombalurina but heck, that is a very close to undoable.

Lately, I've been thinking of ways for me to be more attractive to him. But since I am no match for the

other queens, I plan to something completely different.

I am going to give him a taste of his own medicine.


	2. Plant the Seeds of the Game

Disclaimer

I do not own characters from this musical/play/poems.

All characters from "Cats" are owned by

T. S. Eliot and Andrew Lloyd Webber

Chapter One

Rum Tum Tugger knew that he was always going to be welcomed as he entered the junkyard. He knew his fan club will not let him down; especially that perpetually screaming kitten was its leader. As he walked into the junkyard, he was surprised that there was no one who was running up to him, screaming his name. No one was fighting for his attention. No one noticed that he was in their presence. This was definitely a start of a bad day, he thought to himself.

He found all the queens and some of the toms gathered in a corner, looking at something or someone, Rum Tum Tugger thought who was, which was impossible, more interesting than him.

He saw Cassandra walk away from the crowd, caressing her neck at the same time. As she saw Rum Tum Tugger, she went to him and said

"You should go over there. Etcetera's collar is to die for. I want to have my own. "

He did go there, pretending to be not as curious he really is. In the middle of the circle was Etcetera, who was showing off her brand new collar and as Rum Tum Tugger moved in closer to see, had diamonds on it.

"You shouldn't let Mungo and Rumpleteezer see that or you know it's bye bye." Sillabub said.

"Do you think your human can use another cat?" Victoria asked.

"Diamonds have a lot of magical powers." Mistofelees said, as he tried to touch the collar and Etcetera pushed his paw away.

"It is not safe for a kitten to travel with a collar like that. " Jemima commented.

"Jemima's right. You should swap with something less conspicuous." Jennyanydots added.

Etcetera sighed. All the attention made her blush. No wonder Rum Tum Tugger loves this. Having your own fan club, having other cats fawn over you, she never had this before. It was better than having a plate of cat food all for yourself.

"I am not going to let Mungojerry and Rumpleteezer get 10 miles near this collar. I doubt if they need more cats since there are 3 of us in the house. I think diamonds are better off displayed then used for experiments. I don't like simple. Plain collars bore me. " Etcetera said to her staring friends.

In the corner of her eye, she saw Rum Tum Tugger eyeing the collar. She knew he wanted it for himself. It was over the top and it was just perfect for someone like him. She also knew that he was pissed that no one was going crazy for him right now.

"You know, kittens are not supposed to wear collars that. It belongs to someone who has personality." Rum Tum Tugger finally said, approaching her as the other cats moved about to make a space for him.

"What am I? Dead? I have personality. "Etcetera said, trying to control her feelings that her obsession was finally talking to her.

"But not enough. Something like that demands attention and the one that carries it, should know how to handle all the pressure."

"Oh please. You are just jealous." Etcetera said, rolling her eyes. She looked at Electra and Victoria, "Right? Come on guys, let us do something fun."

-888-

Bombalurina went over to Rum Tum Tugger who was watching Etcetera walk away. She was surprised that he held his attention for someone else for more than 1 minute.

"Do you know her name?" She asked.

"Who? The screamer?" Bombalurina nodded. Rum Tum Tugger thought deeply. He always called her "Screamer" but he never cared for her real name. He shook his head.

Bombalurina laughed, "Etcetera. Her name is Etcetera. Gosh, Rum, you'd think she's a Jellicle cat so she'd be worthy enough to be remembered for her real name but no."

Rum Tum Tugger groaned, "Rock stars don't know all the names of their fans. Why should I?"

"Amazing. I never thought your ego would be that big. "someone replied.

Rum Tum Tugger looked around and saw Jemima.

"I couldn't help but overhear you guys talk," Jemima continued with a frown, "Hey rock star, you only have four female fans. You heard that right. Four. And you can't remember our names. "

"Four?" Rum Tum Tugger repeated. As if. Not only was this cat an eavesdropper, she was also a liar.

"Yeah, four. Go ahead and pretend you're the best thing that ever happened to this world. But really, you are just an insecure, inept and-"Jemima yelled.

"Jemima, stop it!" Bombalurina ordered. "You shouldn't talk to Rum Tum Tugger like that. He is older than you. Show him some respect."

"I only show respect to those I feel that deserve it." Jemima shot back, sticking out her tongue at Rum Tum Tugger.

"Your father would hear about this." Rum Tum Tugger warned. He walked out and went to look for Munkustrap.

-888-

Etcetera saw Jemima yelling at Rum Tum Tugger from a distance. She can't believe that her friend actually did what she asked. It was beyond amazing. As Rum Tum Tugger went to look for Munkustrap and Bombalurina to get Jennyanydots, Jemima ran to her friend and said,

"You owe big time."

Etcetera smiled, "Relax. Your father won't make a big thing out of this. He knows what Rum Tum Tugger is like when his ego is damaged."

"But still, Dad's gonna ground me for sure."

"Wanna bet?"

Jemima looked at Etcetera suspiciously. Her friend was up to something but she can't tell what. First she asked her to scream at Rum Tum Tugger. Now, she acts like she can read other cat's minds that she can tell what her Dad will do to her.

What the heck is going on?


	3. Buy your self some love

Disclaimer

All characters from "Cats" are owned

By T.S. Eliot and Andrew Lloyd Webber

Etcetera was walking alone in the park when she saw Bombalurina flirting with other toms. She observed how the queen would slowly touch her tail across the tom's back and how it made the tom feel so wanted. It amazed Etcetera how vain a person can be. You would just have to keep on feeding their pride and they are yours. But for Rum Tum Tugger, who she thinks is just composed of nothing but vanity, what will happen if you take it away?

It is a good thing that her human has unknowingly supported her mission to break Rum Tum Tugger. She was given this beautiful bejewelled collar that all cats envy.

As she continued to travel, many cats and even some humans would look at her collar. Some say how unpractical for a person to give a cat such an expensive gift. Some admire how it emphasizes her eyes. Some wish it was theirs.

Etcetera quickly touched her neck just to make sure the collar was there. It was. She smiled.

She saw somewhere that it is not a good idea to rely on material things to be happy.

But what would a kitten do to win a heart of a playboy? She has no skill like Victoria. She does not have the smarts of Jemima and Electra.

Wait...but she has the attention of her human. And his big fat wallet at her fingertips.

-888-

Rum Tum Tugger looked at the display of expensive collars on a store.

He wanted one but knows for a fact that his middle class human will never buy him a diamond encrusted collar.

He felt a certain connection with one that was on the centre of the display. It was gold with red jewels across it. It was ostentatious. It was him.

The shopkeeper saw him. She smiled. He purred. She smiled again. Still no collar for him to own.

This was going to be hard. What does he do to have one?

He is not coming back to the Junkyard until he has one.

-888-

Grooming is an important business for a cat.

Food is also an important business for a cat.

Sleeping as well, a very very important thing.

So is travelling. And never forget entertainment.

Etcetera is important to her human.

He hired people to groom her, feed her, lull her to sleep and even carry her.

Someone is in charge of her toys.

All of them are true. All of them are facts.

All of them she would like to rub across Rum Tum Tugger's face.

-888-

"Where is everybody?" Rum Tum Tugger asked aloud.

It was day 2 of the fan club strike and as always, he broke his promise of staying away until he has a bejewelled collar. He might as well never return.

It was day 2 of other cats flocking to Etcetera as she displayed her latest collar.

Rum Tum Tugger looked at her, shocked. She was wearing his collar. The gold and red collar.

"I was sleeping and he woke me up. And I saw this." She was telling everyone.

As she pointed to her neck, she looked at Rum Tum Tugger and winked.

He walked away and saw Munkustrap standing nearby watching the commotion.

"What's up?" he was asked by the leader.

"You know me, charming as usual." He replied. Munkustrap snorted.

"How can you be? Your club has found its new idol."

"Just temporary. She'll be demoted soon."

"With that type of toys that she has, I don't think so."

Rum Tum Tugger looked at Munkustrap strangely. "I don't understand."

"She just gave Jemima and the rest some bling. Safe to say that they love her."

Rum Tum Tugger laughed. "Like what? Plastic rats?"

Munkustrap shook his head and pointed at the package that was nearby.

"Look what she gave me. Lobster. "

-888-

Lobster? Who likes those anyway? He thought to himself.

Every cat on earth.

Every cat on earth loves lobsters.

But I am not just any cat on earth.

I am Rum Tum Tugger.

Yeah, the former Mr Popular.

Has been.


	4. Get yourself out there!

Disclaimer

All characters from "Cats" are owned

By T.S. Eliot and Andrew Lloyd Webber

Day 3 of the strike. Rum Tum Tugger could not believe it. No fans competing for his attention for the third day in a row was totally unacceptable. Being told by his elder brother to stop acting like a kid and to say sorry to a kitten was an insult.

When Jemima was in trouble for yelling at Rum Tum Tugger, Munkustrap was about to ground his daughter for a month when Etcetera came in and whispered something in the Jellicle leader's ear that made him just forget what Jemima did earlier that day. He actually let someone off the hook for the time ever. Munkustrap then turned to Rum Tum Tugger and said that he should know better. That an adult cat should not fight with a kitten. It was beneath them.

Rum Tum Tugger never knew Etcetera can have this power over a crowd. But then again, it was not exactly Etcetera who was running the tribe. She did not have enough charm or beauty to control a group. It was her human's money, he thought to himself. Money. The source of all evil. And power. And esteem. All the things that he wanted. Heck, his fan club could even reach beyond the yard if he had that much money. What if, he thought to himself, a rich human gets to like him and decides that he should be their pet? What will happen if all of a sudden, Etcetera woke up and found Rum Tum Tugger loaded with all the bling, like what Munkustrap described them from head to paw and gave each cat in the tribe their very own gold collar?

Instead of staying in the yard for the whole day, he decided to go and hang out in the most exclusive and expensive part of the city. He saw several pets, all pampered by their humans, some even dressed like little children. He cleaned himself and went to the cafe where saw two matrons laughing.

One of the matrons and saw him and said to her friend, "Look at that poor thing. He is probably hungry." She took a piece of ham and motioned him to approach her. Rum Tum Tugger went over there and nibbled the food. Tastes good, he thought to himself. He went closer to the old lady and started purring.

"Aw, he looks adorable." The old lady said.

"You must be careful. That's a street cat, he may have rabies or fleas." The other woman said.

"Oh yes, I forgot." The matron said, moving herself away from him.

Rabies? Fleas? I am not a street cat, Rum Tum Tugger wanted to say if he could. Instead, he decided to clean himself in front of the two women to show that he was flea free.

Clearly it was working as the first woman started stroking his mane. Yes, yes, come on, take me in. Rum Tum Tugger thought. He can divide his time between the yard, the current family that he lives with and his new owner. Certainly the family would not mind not seeing him for several days. He saw the old ladies stood up and one of them whispered to a waiter. Afterwards, the kind matron looked at Rum Tum Tugger and said, "Now, you stay here. I have something for you." The waiter nodded and went inside.

Rum Tum Tugger nodded. Finally, she decided to take him. It was that easy. Hello, popularity, I missed ya.

The matron walked away from the cafe together with her friend and at one point, looked back at Rum Tum Tugger. She smiled and gave a wave.

No, there is something wrong, Rum Tum Tugger realized.

The waiter came out with a small plate filled with bits of assorted meat.

"Here you go buddy. The old lady said to take care of you. Now after eating that you better leave. I don't want you bothering more customers. " The waiter said before dropping the meat on the concrete away from the tables.

I thought, what the, huh? Rum Tum Tugger was devastated. He thought all along that the old lady was adopting him. Remembering the food, he quickly gobbled them. There will be others, he said. Others richer than her, he comforted himself. He straightened his back was about to leave for the other restaurant nearby when he heard,

"Here you go sweetheart, let's have some brunch." A man said. Rum Tum Tugger looked around and saw a human male with an umbrella and a big brown bag sitting down on where the matron sat previously.

Something smells familiar, Rum Tum Tugger thought. He approached the bag and sniffed. He was taken aback when he saw a head pop out. It was a cat. It was her.

"Tugger? What are you doing here?" she asked him.

" Etcetera? What are you doing inside a bag?"

"It is not a bag. It is a carrier. A pet carrier." She told him, emphasizing the word carrier.

Rum Tum Tugger pulled her ear playfully, "A carrier is still a bag, your highness."

Etcetera rolled her eyes and pushed his paw out of her face, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, are your humans eating here as well?" she looked around, "I heard that this was the coolest place to be right now."

Rum Tum Tugger shook his head. "No, I was just passing by. " There would be no way on earth or the Heavyside Layer that he was going to tell Etcetera that he was trying to get himself adopted. She would definitely tell it to every cat she meets.

"Is that your human?" he asked, changing the topic.

"No, he is my sitter." She replied nonchalantly.

"You have a sitter? Who does that?" he asked. This was too much. A pet sitter?

"My human is always travelling so he hired someone to watch over me."

The pet sitter finished reading the menu and placed it down. He saw Rum Tum Tugger and shooed him away with the umbrella. Not wanting to be hit, Rum Tum Tugger ran away.

"No, it's fine." Etcetera said. Of course, she could not be understood. Instead, she started purring and waved her paw, asking Rum Tum Tugger to come back.

"You know him love?" the sitter asked Etcetera as he picked her up and started stroking her. Etcetera purred once again. "Alright, I'll let him stay near us."

The waiter who earlier gave Rum Tum Tugger the food saw him coming back to the cafe. "Shoo, I told you not to come back."

The sitter waved his hand, "It's fine. Let him come back. My little princess here knows him."

The waiter agreed.

As Rum Tum Tugger finally came up to Etcetera's table, the sitter studied him closer.

"Hmmm. Maine Coon. Well groomed and looks like you are well fed." He ruffled Rum Tum Tugger's mane. "You got an owner?"

Rum Tum Tugger meowed. "No? Poor thing. Maybe Mr. Henry would not mind having another cat. Or maybe he will, but he'll never know that you stayed with us temporarily. Etcetera needs the company."

The sitter sat back as he saw his food being placed on his table.

Etcetera and Rum Tum Tugger looked at each other. They were going to live together?


	5. Focus on your goals!

Disclaimer

All characters from "Cats" are owned

By T. S. Eliot and Andrew Lloyd Webber

"You are not happy."

"Thank you for stating the obvious."

"I thought that this was what you wanted all along. To have Rum Tum Tugger for yourself. "

Etcetera sighed. True, she wanted Rum Tum Tugger for herself but living with him? Sharing a sitter?

"Look Admetus, it's complicated. I am happy that I'd be living with him. But. He doesn't share. I can see it now. We'd be fighting all day just to get any human's attention. It's gonna get ugly and you know that I don't like ugly."

Admetus shook his head. "You know that this is going to happen. Competing with Tugger for attention is like having a swimming competition with a fish. He's always going to find a way to be number one. Being popular is what makes him happy. Take that away and he'll be desperate enough to do anything."

"I know that. Why do you think I bothered wearing those collars? I just thought that when he's no longer popular that he'll be humble enough to be nice."

Admetus started laughing. This was too much. "Rum Tum Tugger does not do humble. Or nice. But he can act. He can act-" he stopped for a moment to think of a word, "–act polite to have other cats like him or at least be civil with him. Seriously Etcetera, you have a lot on your plate now."

Etcetera groaned. "I know, I know. What am I gonna do?" she paced up and down the carpet of the pets salon. Right after the sitter decided that Rum Tum Tugger was fit to be Etcetera's companion, he took the tom to the veterinary to be checked and now to be groomed. Etcetera pretended to be calm in accepting the news of having Rum Tum Tugger in home but inside, her heart was pounding so fast, she was about to pass out. Her body was about to burst, being filled to the maximum with emotions of anxiety, joy, fear and dread. She wanted to speak with someone just to let all her troubles out. While waiting for Rum Tum Tugger to finish being "styled" like what the sitter called it, she saw Admetus waiting as well in the corner. She never really knew the tom since he was always hiding in the junkyard but his warm smile made her feel close to him.

"You should stop. Let nature take its course. Rum Tum Tugger would always be the attention grabbing star of the tribe-"

"And I will be just the fan girl that screams his name." Etcetera snapped.

"We all have to compromise. Wouldn't you know, you maybe Rum Tum Tugger's fan girl but someday, you can be another tom's leading lady." Admetus replied softly.

Etcetera did not know what to say. Compromise? Hasn't she been compromising and settling all her life?

She settled being known as the hyper active kitten since she can't be anything else. She did not have Victoria's elegance, Jemima's talent or Electra's wit. Didn't she made a compromise with herself that being second is fine as long as you are getting something?

She was about to tell Admetus how compromising is like having a death wish when she noticed that the tom was looking at her differently. It was not the amused look that he gave her when she revealed her plans of winning Rum Tum Tugger's heart. It was more of sadness and quiet desperation. They were quiet for several seconds until the door to the aesthetician opened.

"Do I look handsome or not?" Rum Tum Tugger asked.

Etcetera's attention moved away from Admetus to the tom that was moving about purring and shaking his head at the same time.

"I asked you a question. Do I look handsome?" he repeated, annoyed.

"You know the answer to that question. I don't want to state the obvious." Etcetera replied.

"Humph. Not exactly the answer that I was going for." Rum Tum Tugger replied. He turned to Admetus.

"It's you. I thought you left the yard a long time ago. How are you?" he asked.

Before Admetus can answer, Rum Tum Tugger interrupted. "Can you look at the back? I heard the salon girl saying that the shampoo will make my fur soft and shiny. It is shiny?" He saw the look on Admetus' face. "Just look. Does the light bounce on my fur?"

"Uh yeah? It does." was Admetus' answer.

Etcetera rolled her eyes, "Rum Tum Tugger, you are narcissistic. Honestly, does the light bounce on my fur? Is that even a proper question?"

"You're just jealous." Rum Tum Tugger retorted. "Because after Patrick sees me, guess who'll be sitting pretty in the carrier?"

"So you're in the first name basis now with MY sitter? Amazing how fast an attention whore works for his keep." Etcetera said.

"What did you say?" Rum Tum Tugger demanded.

"I said that you are an attention whore. " Etcetera repeated.

"Nobody talks to me like that and gets away with it." Rum Tum Tugger replied with gritted teeth.

"Jemima did as I recall."

"Well you won't"

"I don't see Munkustrap here."

"I'll tell him when we get back to the yard."

"So you are an attention whore and a tattletale."

"Stop it."

"Why? I am enjoying this."

"If you don't stop, I'd tell everyone in the yard that I saw you flirting with Admetus."

"I was not! Stop it."

Rum Tum Tugger laughed. "Etcetera and Admetus. What a nice pair." He turned around to where Admetus was sitting earlier but he was gone. "Where did he go?"

Etcetera scanned the room. "I dunno."

Rum Tum Tugger and Etcetera saw the sitter calling their attention. They walked over and forgot about Admetus.

-888-

Admetus had to walk away. He never liked fighting. More so if it involved Etcetera and Rum Tum Tugger. Seeing them argue was watching a couple who has been together for years. It was natural. It was natural for them to be together.

Admetus sighed. Etcetera, you have no idea how you make a tom go nuts. He always looked at Etcetera from a distance since he was afraid to talk to her since she was so full of energy and with her friends all the time. He was afraid that she would think of him as plain and weird. There was no way that he can take rejection and be pitied at the same time by the audience.

It was a good thing that the other toms were happy to tell him about her. How she likes goofing around, how she hates it when nothing is happening in the junkyard and how head over heels she is with Rum Tum Tugger.

Ah yes, Rum Tum Tugger. Admetus thought. How can you beat that annoying monster? It's bad enough that the girl you like is crazy for him but now that they're going to live together? What are his chances now?

Walk away, he told himself. That's better. Walking away is better than trying to win the heart of a girl when from the start you already know that you lost.


End file.
